ANN EYE OPENER !!!

Kottayam,
2nd December 2012

My dear Ann,

I concede defeat. It suffices to write just this. Here I can conclude this letter with the customary "Yours lovingly..."

But since this letter is in the public domain, I think I should elaborate for those very few of my students who unreasonably yet staunchly believe that their Sir cannot falter.

The Kottayam "Mixed Voices" is in existence for 27 years. Over these years their programmes were  hugely appreciated by the music lovers here and elsewhere.  But for a variety of reasons this never enthused me. This time when you invited me I thought I should attend. How can one say no to someone as affable as you are?  Today's carol programme  was a curtain riser to this year's Christmas in Kottayam. The grandeur of the evening needs no description. Ann, I came there in time and could spot you in the front row of the singers. The songs were presented with utmost perfection. May I tell you that this time too, the songs didn't enter my heart. I do not know whether it is my ignorance or some innate dislike, I could never hear western classical music through my heart. So it were not the songs but the singers who defeated me. I remained awe stricken by the mastery of the singers. A really spellbinding performance. Simply superlative.  So much of artists in a small town is unbelievable. Yes Ann, till this evening Kottayam remained a small place for me. The "rubberised" vanity and extravaganza was always nauseating for me. The aromatic pepper or the seductive fragrance of tea or coffee never mesmerized me into respecting Kottayam. But today Kottayam rose to astronomical heights in my esteem and the aftermath was my steep fall in my own esteem. Talent is God's gift. With so much of God gifted singers in this town I felt dwarfed despite my six-one frame.  Ann, in our discussions I had questioned  the spirituality of this kind of singing. I regret. Spirituality being such a personal experience, how can I question somebody else's means of spirituality or its expression? Ann, most of the things I have told you during our talks remain the bedrock of my faith. But I should confess that I learned quite a few things today so that if my views were any skewed they will get corrected.

Having said this much, I think I should say more. As a Physics teacher I have been advocating confinement of mind and convergence of thoughts and have been demanding undivided dedication from students. This was with a view to conquering the world and not even being winners at the national level. I have no regrets and I don't think changing this attitude. Yet Ann, this evening for the first time I have this feeling. "Why should everyone learn Physics? Music being man's greatest extraction from nature (everything else has a physical form) what if someone opts for it? But Ann, was this my real problem? No, I presume. I am confused. I think it can be said like this. For a teacher  and  a student of  Physics, their spirituality is in doing Physics to the best of their abilities. How can anyone tell me that this attitude is wrong? After all, this is not just an attitude. Ann, you may recall that I have talked only to Physics students and any generalization of my arguments may sound ridiculous. With all my humility in place I would like to continue my views regarding teaching  and learning Physics.

Ann, now the funny thing. It is 2 hours past mid night. Yet I thought I will complete this letter lest my views should change with the rising sun of the 3rd of December !!! Tomorrow when I teach somebody Physics, the fanatic teacher in me may overtake my vagaries and my fantasies generated by those beautiful songs of the evening !!! Hope you will excuse me for this last sentence which shows that I am not remorseful despite starting this letter in a different tone and tenor.

With lots of love,

Your Teacher.